Het meest gelukkig voelen mensen zich in een relatie, als er sprake is van relatie-tevredenheid. Dit lijkt een dooddoener, maar wat is er nodig voor relatietevredenheid en wanneer is hier sprake van? Is dit als mensen elkaar " gewoon" accepteren zoals ze zijn en hun eigen gang gaan of speelt er meer?
Zo hoorde ik laatst het volgende verhaal van een bevriende tandarts. Met Kerstmis wilde haar partner naar zijn gezin van oorsprong om dit samen met haar uitgebreide schoonfamilie te vieren, zoals elk jaar eerste Kerstdag en ook Sinterklaas. Maar ja: corona.
Training: Simultaneous Action-Observer Strategy (SA-OS). Working in direct dialogue to find new answers in (conflicting) relationships.
SA-OS, a structured way of improving relationships. A method to bring clarity in the chaos and complexity of a conflict. Those involved will gain a better understanding of themselves and the other person, leading up to finding new ways of interacting with each other. The background of this method is the principle of thesis-antithesis-synthesis (Hegel). This dialogue happens within the individual as well as in the relationship. The SA-OS method helps people to widen their perspective, and increases understanding and appreciation between people.
Voices in your head, voices out of your head
'I don't want to hear you anymore, get out of my life' said Susan. Susan was in a dialogue with her 'internal critic'. This critic had been controlling her life for a long time, giving messages like 'you can't make mistakes', 'you have to do everything right' and 'if you don't do this you will be fired and never find a job again'.
Meeting in mutual understanding
On my walks, I regularly meet a variety of people. I stop and chat. These conversations are about the weather, the dog, how nice it is to walk, corona and other things happening in the area. These encounters can be short or long and really are a moment of brief contact. It's kind of like "who am I" and "who are you"?
Conflict: start or avoid the conflict?
Usually I avoid a conflict and avoid to say directly when I am angry or upset. However, sometimes I feel that it is necessary to express myself and that gives me the courage to start the conversation.
For example, I have a frightened, traumatized dog from Romania, fortunately she is doing very well. She is doing great and I am very proud of her. We live one block away from a forest with a great area where she can run free. Unfortunately to get there, I have to cross a busy road that lies in a slight curve. The house on the corner is being renovated, so very often there is a van on the driveway. It is not possible to see the traffic on the road as a pedestrian: the vans completely block the view. If my husband comes along, he stands a little more to the front to see what's coming. When I'm alone, that doesn't work, because I can't stand partly on the road to watch, because my little dog will freeze or want to flee and I can't go back. This forces me to stay on the sidewalk and I can't cross the road.
Role reversal with a cow
Cows, sheep, horses, swans, ducks, I always get very relaxed when I walk along the meadows. When the cow looks at me I think 'how would the cow see me'. I step into the role of the cow and look at myself. I see a person who is busy doing many nice things, but who also sometimes forgets to take a rest. I feel a kind of pitying, compassionate, thinking 'man, man, don't be so busy' and 'take it easy, enjoy where you are right now'.